


(let's) figure it out

by determination



Category: The Chronicles of Chrestomanci - Diana Wynne Jones
Genre: F/M, christopher is aroace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:05:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27050125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/determination/pseuds/determination
Summary: “What do you want?” Millie asked.Christopher thought, rewording his earlier confession to reflect his true feelings. “I want to share my life with you. Whether that means being friends, or getting married, I… I just want to be with you, and I want to make you happy.”
Relationships: Christopher Chant/Millie
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	(let's) figure it out

**Author's Note:**

> personally i like to think that christopher is somewhere on the aroace spectrum. so i got to thinking about how he and millie would get together, and how they'd be perfectly happy in an unconventional relationship. idk i love them and they're sweet and they deserve to be happy ;w;  
> no criticism or critiques please. i hope you enjoy!

Christopher tried to pretend the way Millie was looking at him didn’t alarm him. She had that particular scrutinizing glint in her eye, the kind that told Christopher she was about to say something he wouldn’t like.

And she did. “You don’t have to lie,” Millie said, and it took all of Christopher’s willpower not to groan. She must have seen he wanted to because her eyes narrowed and made him wish to shrink out of view.

“Why do you think that?” he asked instead, gritting his teeth. “That I’m... lying.” 

Millie stared at him. She adjusted her position on the edge of his bed and made a face that Christopher couldn’t understand. “Do you think you aren’t?” She answered with a question of her own.

Now it was Christopher’s turn to stare. What was that supposed to mean? Did she honestly think he wasn’t serious in his confession? Did she think she knew his feelings better than he did? It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how he’d planned this to go.

He wasn’t sure how to continue. He frowned. Perhaps if he stayed silent, she’d change her mind. But the longer he waited, the more exasperated Millie seemed. At length, she let out a sigh. “Christopher, listen to me. I do like you. I’m in love with you.” Now Christopher’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest -  _ then why was she determined to turn him down! _ \- but Millie gave him a stern look that kept him quiet. “Let me finish, will you? I’m not saying this is a rejection. I do want to be with you, but I want you to be honest with me first.”

Christopher blinked at her where she sat beside him. “What do you mean?” he asked dully. 

Sighing again, Millie folded her arms across her chest. “How do I put this…” She tapped her fingers on her elbow, thinking hard. “It’s… it’s the way you go about it, Christopher. I got the same feeling when I wanted to run away because that school was so horrible, and you said we could go live alone on an island somewhere. Your heart is in the right place, I know it. I know that however you feel about me is genuine and strong, and that makes me so happy, more happy than I can ever hope to explain. But…” She met Christopher’s gaze and frowned, conflicted. “It just feels like you’re reading a script. You’re saying what you think you’re supposed to say. You’re not telling me how you actually feel.”

This surprised Christopher. He knew Millie was intuitive, but he hadn’t realized she’d seen through him even back then. He hated to be anything less than confident and self-assured, but her assessment felt brutal. 

Vulnerable, he thought. That’s the word. He hated to be vulnerable. 

But, he supposed, in order to be close to the ones you cared about, you rather needed to be. He sighed. At the least, Millie deserved an explanation. No matter how difficult it was for him to put into words.

With a deep breath, Christopher averted his gaze and found a particular spot on the wall that was easy to stare at. Where to begin… “I do want to share my life with you,” he said first, making sure she didn’t mistake his intent. “That’s…” He frowned, desperately searching for the proper sentiment. “When I think about… the future, and I imagine if you were not there with me, I feel so terribly lonely and scared.” He could see out of the corner of his eye that Millie’s expression had softened with sympathy. He winced. This wasn’t coming out right. He didn’t want to guilt her into being with him. That wouldn’t be fair or right.

Christopher let out a frustrated exhale, furrowed his brows, and tried to begin again. “The crux of the matter is that I don’t…” He waved a hand vaguely. “I don’t experience feelings quite the way other people do. I’m not…” He gestured again, even more vaguely. “I’m not romantic, Millie. I don’t really understand what attraction is, outside of what I’ve read in books.”

“That explains the scripts,” Millie commented. That got Christopher to look at her, annoyance tugging at the crease between his brows. Despite herself, Millie laughed. “ _ Now _ you look at me.” Christopher’s shock slackened his expression, and his cheeks felt warm as he quickly looked away. Only, she seemed like she wanted him to look at her, so maybe he should. He reluctantly found her eyes again. Her smile was soft now. It lessened his nerves, somewhat.

“What do you want?” Millie asked.

Christopher thought, rewording his earlier confession to reflect his true feelings. “I want to share my life with you. Whether that means being friends, or getting married, I… I just want to be with you, and I want to make you happy.”

Millie’s smile widened. “That’s better,” she said, and reached out to yank Christopher into a hug. “You can be so infuriating sometimes,” at that, Christopher frowned once more, but Millie went on, “but I really genuinely don’t want to think about my future if you’re not in it.” Now those words definitely made his face warm. Millie drew back to grin dazzlingly at him. “Thank you for telling me. How would you like to define our relationship?”

Christopher gave the question some thought. It was a bit difficult, with how pleasant Millie’s weight felt against him. He always loved being touched, and hugs were, admittedly, simply marvelous (particularly when he was exhausted or upset about something). He had to force his brain to work, and not simply shut off in a happy lull in Millie’s embrace. “I’ve always been rather fond of the term  _ partners _ ,” he told her. “It’s ambiguous enough to mean a multitude of things, both platonic and romantic. That way we don’t have to worry about how to explain all the details.”

Millie beamed. “I like it,” she said, nodding. “Partners.” She tightened her grip around him, gaze turning searching. “Well then, our next order of business should be to figure out boundaries.”

Christopher’s brows furrowed once more. “Boundaries?” he repeated.

Millie nodded enthusiastically. “Boundaries,” she said again. “You know, what sorts of things we should and shouldn’t do so that the other person won’t feel uncomfortable or hurt.” She thought for a second before adding, “For example, I want you to be honest about your feelings so it doesn’t feel like you’re lying to me.” She smiled, clearly trying to encourage him. “I more or less want to know if there’s anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

Christopher considered this. He knew the sorts of things people did in romantic relationships, both from reading books and watching other people. “I don’t think…” He hesitated. It was difficult to say without any experience to guide him. “I may not experience romantic feelings, but I don’t think I’d be against any associated behavior?” He didn’t mean to phrase it as a question, but he really wasn’t sure. It didn’t feel bad, to think about kissing. And he and Millie already hugged and held hands rather often, and he really liked doing that. 

“Do you mind trying it?” Millie asked shyly. She was blushing now, Christopher noticed. It was a flattering color, rosy and vibrant. It made him smile. 

“Do you want to kiss me?” Christopher countered, and surprised himself with how calm his voice sounded. He liked seeing Millie shy, and felt satisfied when the color on her cheeks turned brighter. 

“I’d be lying if I said no,” Millie answered, pouting. “If you’re willing, we could give it a go. And if you really hate it, I swear we never have to do it again.” She sounded so earnest that Christopher had to suppress a laugh. He really liked that side of her, that cared so much about his comfort that she’d forgo something she clearly wanted. He wanted to reciprocate. If kissing would make her happy, he really wanted to do it. He hoped he liked it.

“Let’s,” he nodded resolutely. They shifted to face each other.

Kissing, as it turned out, was a trifle more difficult than books made it seem. Christopher’s memory of the descriptions was already hazy, and he flat forgot all of it when Millie’s lips touched his. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or feel, and Millie seemed uncertain, as well. They both drew back, frowning. “Maybe we just need to get the hang of it,” Millie suggested. She was still blushing, and Christopher was beginning to think he really liked that color on her.

“Try again,” he told her. His own decisiveness surprised him. “Maybe... we just need to stop thinking so hard.” 

This time when Millie kissed him, he felt a warmth bubble up into his chest. She figured out that it felt more natural if she tilted her head just so, and let her hands hang loosely around Christopher’s neck. Uncertain what to do with his own hands, he wrapped his arms around her waist. This seemed a good move, as she smiled against his lips and made a small, happy noise that buzzed in his mouth. 

Christopher decided that he liked kissing. It was pleasant in the same way hugging was. In fact, it was better than hugging. It made him feel loved and cared about, and the knowledge that Millie liked it made him like it even more. 

They spent a good deal of time testing it out. Christopher found he liked it best when they kissed slowly, but he didn’t like the feeling of using his tongue. That felt too awkward, and Millie readily agreed, promising they didn’t have to do that again. By the time they stopped, Christopher’s insides felt fuzzy, as if he’d spent a long time practicing spells. It wasn’t a bad feeling though, and he made sure Millie knew. She seemed just as pleased.

“I know our version of  _ love _ is a little different,” Millie said. Her voice had a sweet, rough quality to it that Christopher wasn’t used to hearing. “But is it okay if I tell you I love you? That won’t make you uncomfortable, will it?” Christopher smiled and shook his head. Millie looked more than a little relieved. “Good. It would’ve been very difficult to stop myself saying it.” She held his hand and met his gaze, eyes sparkling. “I love you, Christopher.”

She was right, that their love was different. But the joy Christopher felt when she said it was as genuine as hers was, he thought. “I love you, too,” he said, and it felt natural because she understood how he meant it. And she was content with that, and that made Christopher even happier. He was glad - and thankful - that somehow, the worlds had allowed the two of them to meet.


End file.
